On Being

I've decided to start a new series called "On Being".

The idea came to me during one of my routine "ugly cry and listen to music" car rides. I was listening to a song by Modern Baseball called "Fine, Great" and out of key (my only key, really) singing along to the lyrics "I hate having to think about my future, when all I wanna do is worry about everyone but me."

And with the weight of those words heavy in my mouth, and the voice in my head that sounds like Dolly Parton saying, "Well hell, if that ain't you honey I don't know what is" - an idea was born.

I know very little - about myself and the world, really - but something I do know is that I would very much rather concern myself with the well-being of others than my own. I am here for you, and you, and you - curious and giving and listening, always listening - but I do not allow myself the same attention. I am too much for myself to handle, I suppose.

I am working on it.

So in an effort to stop "worrying about everyone but me" I thought that maybe, since this is my public diary after all, I could talk about the ways I choose (and often, not choose) to "be". You know, self indulge a little.

My first topic will be "On Being: Alone" and discuss, both the loveliness and the suffering of, being untethered.

Doesn't that sound fun? This is the kind of content you came here for, right? (Please note, I often listen to a podcast that talks about every single episode of Gilmore Girls, so I am no expert on what qualifies as cool or interesting content.)

Stay tuned.

Self-Care + Mindfulness Challenge: For July

(cloudythurstag)

With the beginning of a new month approaching, I’m feeling ready for a clean slate + a fresh start. Lately I've been stressed and overwhelmed and just plain down, dealing with moving and the end of a long term relationship. I'm mentally + physically drained from it all.

Enter: self-care.

I've been reading a lot about self-care and the idea of being your own best friend, and to be honest the whole concept is fairly foreign to me. I'm not great at caring for myself. What I am great at, however, is worrying, keeping busy, and distracting myself by focusing on others. But I'm realizing now, that I can't always put myself on the back burner. I can't pour from an empty cup.

So, to help ease into a mindset of self-preservation + awareness + care, I thought I'd create a "Self Care/Mindfulness/Minimalist Challenge" (I know I know pick a thing already). It'll be for the month of July -- 31 things to try, one for each day, to attempt to center my mind, weed out the compulsion to compare, minimize the "stuff" and help me focus on what's important.

And I made my own challenge because, well, I wasn't really relating to any that I found online. Many of the lists/challenges had suggestions like, "buy a fancy candle" or "go to a spa" or "make a wish", which were a little lost on me. (No shade to any of those things (who doesn't love making wishes?) but it's just not what I was looking for.)

I'll be posting (or at least I will try to post, no promises) what I'm doing over on my Instagram each day to fulfill the challenge, if you want to follow along.

And if you are interested in trying for yourself, please make this challenge your own. Choose the days that work for you. Interpret the prompts as you'd see fit. The point is not to compare and feel limited. The point, rather, is to feel free and irrevocably in love with yourself.

Day 1. Go bare-faced. This is an easy one, as many of us often go without makeup when we're lounging at home. But it feels like a nice way to ease into the challenge. Maybe try running some errands barefaced. Record a Snapchat or Instastory sans filter. (Dear god, no.) Take notice of the freeing feeling of not giving a f*ck about how you look to others. And besides you're stuck with your face for a long time (unless you're Kylie Jenner), so you should learn to love it.

Day 2. Purge skincare + beauty collection that's old/expired/unused. Seriously, why hold onto products and makeup you don't use? Toss or give away!

Day 3. At the end of the day, make a list of 5 good things that happened.  This is pretty straightforward, but I'm hoping it will force me to pay attention to the day I had and focus on what I have rather than what I'm lacking.

Day 4. Unfriend, unfollow + unsubscribe from accounts/people/companies you no longer enjoy looking at/people you don't talk to/companies you don't care about. This one I'm excited for. I get at least 3 email blasts a day from Ann Taylor Loft and Orbitz. (*eye twitch*) Also, how many mommy-bloggers do I really NEED to follow?

Day 5. No email/social media at lunch at work. This one relates to my last post on the French Girl Way of Eating, and although I've been trying... I'm still finding it hard to eat and just stare at my food/the world around me. But honestly why scroll through feeds of what other people are doing? Ask yourself, why don't I care about what I'M doing? Be present, be present, be present.

Day 6. Go for a walk/run outside first thing in the morning. There are obvious benefits to starting your day with some exercise, but not so obvious reasons for getting outside in nature to do so.  I found this list from Wellness Mama super informational. Get out there. Get some vitamin d. Get your feet/hands dirty.

Day 7. Identity your stress triggers. Think back over the week you just had and identify the moments that caused you stress. Are they things you can work on? Are they outside triggers that you can change/eliminate from your life? You can't work on fixing something without identifying it first. 

Day 8.  Organize computer files + desktop. Make folders, properly label files, and delete what you don't need. I hate to admit it, but my level of productivity directly relates to how organized my files/email/desktop are. If these things are chaotic, I feel chaotic, and sometimes I just don't want to bother, ya know?

Day 9. Call a loved one to catch up. This one is hard. Who likes talking on the phone anymore when you can just text? Or worse (read:better), not talk at all? But it's important to connect with the people you love and nurture your relationships. Call, listen, ask questions, be present.

Day 10. Drive to + from work in silence, with only your thoughts. As an avid podcast listener this one is going to be hard. But it's important let yourself be bored. Great ideas come out of boredom. I think we're so used to to pacifying ourselves with watching, looking at, and listening to something at all times. We need to get to know ourselves better.

Day 11. No complaints day. If you say something negative, write it down and evaluate it later. Are you a mean person, to yourself or to others? Is your sense of humor negative? I for one am pretty self-deprecating, so this will be an interesting day for sure.

Day 12. Write a letter to yourself. Sit down with a pen and paper and write to yourself. Say nice things about yourself. Ask questions. Recommend a show or a book. Describe your surroundings or your day. Complain. And then date it, sign it... mail it even!

Day 13. Don't look at your phone before you leave for work in the morning. Try to be pro-active, not re-active.

Day 14. Don't look at your phone after 6 PM. After work, put your phone away and enjoy your night. Hangout with a friend, read, cook, be.

Day 15. Get rid of 15 things. Donate, toss, sell - whatever. (And no sixteen bobby pins does not count *she says quietly to herself*)

Day 16. Wake up early and watch the sunrise. And I don't mean just get up early enough to see the sunrise poke through the trees in your backyard. Go drive to a clear spot (and if you're on the east coast, get to the beach). It's incredible and I haven't done it (intentionally) in years. 

Day 17. Spend at least an hour outside. I work a 9-5 at a desk job and some days the only time I spend outside is to and from my car to the office and home. Try to spend your lunch break outside. Maybe eat dinner on the porch, or take a long walk after dinner to digest and decompress the day.

Day 18. Take yourself out on a date. Get dressed up and go somewhere different. Go out to eat by yourself. Go to a museum or take yourself to the movies. Despite society's depiction of it in movies, it is not lame to sit alone to eat at a restaurant. In fact, it sounds pretty nice! (No need to share the bread basket, amiright?)

Day 19. No Netflix/YouTube/TV for 24 hours. Self explanatory, but so very painful. Those Office reruns won't watch themselves!

Day 20.  Try a new recipe from a tangible cookbook. There's something special about a cookbook. I don't own very many, but I'm always looking at them longingly at bookstores. Cookbooks offer more than just recipes. I can go to Pinterest for a thousand recipes. But cookbooks tell a story. Each recipe was carefully handpicked and crafted with care by the chef or baker. Each picture was posed and designed, just so. The weight of the cookbook in your hand is precious, the tactility of flipping a page feels right. And there's a permanence to cookbooks that blogs or Pinterest don't offer. Go make something.  

Day 21. Look in a mirror and say 10 things you like about your body. Do this naked to properly see and appreciate yourself. (*shudders* - you can do it. )

Day 22. Stay offline for 24 hours. This one is a bit of a cheat, because I'll be camping in the woods on this day. BUT, there's WiFi so there will be that compulsion to hop on and see what's happening elsewhere in the world. But who cares what everyone else is doing? I'm camping in nature with people I love! So instead of checking Facebook for god knows what, I'll just leave my phone in my tent, turned off. 

Day 23. Nap outside. Again, possibly a cheat because I'll still be camping. But I mean outside outside, not inside a tent. There's the most perfect hammock at the campsite and it's an unreal experience to be sung to sleep by chirping birds and crickets and a river and the faint sound of friends laughing in the background. Try it. 

Day 24. Photo-document your day. Snap a picture every hour to show what you did that day. It'll be interesting to look back on. (Unless you do absolutely nothing accept binge watch Stranger Things all day. 'Aint nobody want to see that, even you. )

Day 25. Create a vision board. Whether it be for a room you want to decorate, your dream job, a hobby, or a goal you want to accomplish, creating a vision board has major subconscious motivating abilities. This Huffpo article will explain better than I ever will, take a peek.  

Day 26. Evaluate your last 5 purchases. Write them down and notice if there is a trend. Are you content with how you spend your money? Are you noticing that maybe you have a coffee addiction? (Guilty.) How you spend your money can paint a pretty vivid picture of who you are as a person. (Check out this podcast from Reply All about stalking strangers' Venmo history. It's bonkers.) 

Day 27. Try to meditate. Big emphasis on the "try." I put this one far down on the list because I personally don't think meditation is easy and I didn't want to discourage myself early on in a challenge centered around countering discouragement. But we've got to try, right? No time goal here. Try it for as long or as little as you think you can. 

Day 28. Take a bath. Okay this one might sound generic, but I've never in my adult life taken a relaxing bath and dammit I want to get one of those lush bombs and bathe in swirly cosmic water and I don't care who knows it! 

Day 29. Eat lunch with a coworker(s). I'm embarrassed to say, but I eat lunch alone everyday at work. I mean I could easily sit in the break room with my coworkers, but I usually eat much later than everyone else out of habit and I typically like to sit outside and listen to a podcast. What can I say, I'm a loner Dottie. But it's important to socialize at work. I mean, I spend roughly 40 hours of my week there! 

Day 30. Buy a strangers' coffee/lunch. This is something I've always wanted to do, but I never think of it in the moment. This is a backdoor way of practicing self-care in that doing something nice for a compete stranger, just for the sake of it, without any chance of receiving a thank you or acknowledgment. will help you realize that you don't need to do things for others just so that you can say you did things for them. Do it for them, anonymously, and privately rejoice in that feeling of giving. Think Amelie. 

Day 31. Start the process of creating a "capsule" wardrobe. I'm at a place in my life + age where I just don't know what my personal style is anymore. I'm hoping a capsule wardrobe might help me figure it all out. This post about capsule wardrobes has been helpful. 

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I'd love to hear about your experience if you've tried anything similar!